Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Post-Cards, Pre-Phins: Let's Not Shit Ourselves

Y'all saw that coming, right?

You weren't the least bit worried about any one phase of the Saints game after pulling a W out their asses in Tampa. You had already, after two weeks, come to rely on the Saints to be a stress reliever on Sunday afternoons. You knew, just KNEW, that this team was going to be 3-0 with a convincing win at home against the Max Hall-less Cardinals.

Oh, shut up. No you didn't.

There was just as much internet bickering over the past week as there was after 2 weeks of the 2012 campaign, and that team was being led by Aaron Kromer. It's Mark Ingram. It's the offensive line. Brees throws too many stupid interceptions. Lance Moore needs to step his game up. We never should have traded Chris Ivory. Meachumm???? They need to play Robinson.

Again, shut up.

The Truth, capital t, is that the Saints are 3-0. Two of those three being division wins and all three of them within the conference. The Truth is also that this Rob Ryan defense looks like the real thing. You can keep all the talk about not having faced a real test so far this year. Through three games (against three NFL teams) this Saints unit is a legit top five defense, having allowed only 7 points in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th quarters of the past three games combined. Let that sink in for a minute. 9 combined quarters of football in three consecutive weeks. Not a single point allowed. Put that in your pipe, smoke it and then ask yourself why you're crying about who's doing what on offense. Screw the offense. So they haven't dropped 40 on anyone yet. So they'd run for a grand total of -2 yards into the second half against the Cards. So what? Since 2006, have any of your concerns about the offense ever stopped this team from winning? Exactly. Give it a rest before you hurt yourself and look even stupider.

The Saints owed me a solid against the Cards based on the events that occurred in my life on my way home from Austin, TX, following the Max Hall debacle of 2010. (Maybe one day I'll post the tangent and why I blame the Saints for it, but not feeling it just yet.) As I write this, I'm just glad they paid their debt and I don't have to carry that night with me anymore.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Drew Brees brought back the awesomeness that was (guess I should say IS) the 2009 pregame chant. He’s not the only one bringing back stalwarts from 2009. I have returned to my 2009 ritual 55 Fujita jersey and “Louisiana Logo” Saints hat. A few weeks ago, while coming in from a particularly bad fishing trip, Lake Pontchartrain ate my Saints hat from last year. At first I was all Falcons fan about it, but I quickly realized how easy it would be to blame all the crappy things that occurred last year on that hat. I’ve blamed that hat since. Feel free to blame the hat for anything you'd like. It's worked for me so far. There are a few people I believe should be on the bottom of that lake keeping that godforsaken hat company, but watching Saints games in jail is the worst.

I know superstitions are stupid and have absolutely no effect on the outcome of anything, but they make me feel good for some strange reason. And if this season ends up being one to remember, look out. I’ve been known to find meaning in the meaningless.

Looking forward: Miami Dolphins, Monday Night Football, in the Dome. Jon Gruden only being shown from the waist up so as not to expose the massive boner he has for even the most marginal special  teamer. Mike Tirico actually making sense. Drinking games going on all over the city, and maybe the country, contingent on the frequency with which the word “Katrina” or “Bounty” is used.

If Gruden hadn’t turned into such a damn muppet since getting out of the league, he may have just been the one face-flapper calling an NFL game to have the stones to catch his buddy Sean Payton’s back and take a shot here or there at Ol’ Rog. Oh well. Whatever.

Beating the crap out of the Dolphins at home on national television is more than likely but what will make it absolutely fantastic is the craptacular fashion in which the Falcons just managed to crap the bed, allowing people to consider this Dolphins team to be anything other than the fraud that they are. The Dolphins really are not that good. They just aren’t. They may be “on the rise” (#RiseUp) and a sexy pick right now to turn the world upside down by winning the AFC East, but let’s not forget that the Arizona Cardinals were 5-0 last year, and they pretty much suck balls.

Based on your generic yardage based stats that rank teams, the Dolphins rank 26th in total offense and 21st in total defense. On the other hand, the Saints rank 6th on offense and 5th on defense. If you add up the little check marks in all the ypg and ppg stats, T.O.P and 3rd down %, it's 7-4 Saints, with the Dolphins actually possessing the check mark for PPG and the Saints for rushing ypg.

The Dolphins have one legitimate OMGBEAST on their defense, Cameron Wake. What's that? He's out 2-3 weeks with a sprained MCL? You bet your sweet ass he is and I, for one, am pleased as punch to hear it. To Mr. "I want to beat them at full strength so there aren't any excuses": Bull. And you know it. There is no reason to pretend like you want anything but a win Monday night. Screw every other team and their injuries. It's not like the Saints don't have half of their starters from the beginning of training camp sidelined with a plethora of different injuries. Me? I hope every single team the Saints play for the remainder of the season is missing at least one key player and that weakness is exploited. There is no guy working for the NFL who is sitting there at the end of the season taking away home field advantage in the playoffs because a team won an ugly game or beat a team that was without their star player. That ain't how it works, and if you really believe this "I wanna beat them at their best" crap, I feel sorry for you. I'll be the nekkid guy mounted up on the statue at Wisner and Esplanade giving General Beauregard a reach around regardless of how we make it into the tournament come January.

The stat you'll hear more times than you'd care to this week: Sean Payton's record on Monday Night football at 9-2. As impressive as that is, the Saints have also won 8 straight in Monday night games, one of them without Sean Payton. This is really about to happen Monday night and something tells me it is going to be glorious. The New Orleans Saints backed by 70,000 people, louder and drunker than usual, against a team whose coach thinks calling someone a doo doo head is reason to be banished to infernal regions for eternity. Oh, hell yeah.

No matter if you were shitting yourself because you thought the Saints weren't as good as their 2-0 record after the Bucs or are presently shitting yourself because they're now 3-0 and on their way to the Super Bowl without bumps in the road (yes, it is possible to be/have been both) - let's not shit ourselves. 31-7 just happened and that's something worth enjoying with a Monday night game right around the corner.There's some saying about the forest and the trees, but I prefer to simply not shit myself. For the first time since the end of the 2011 season this team is fine.

Let’s just be grateful to be part of the mystery that is the moment before kickoff, and hope that it's enough.

Who Dat, y'all!

But where was it when I first heard a sweet sound of humility?
It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody.


  1. I can't believe i just wasted time reading now i will waste time commenting.... i will start off with the positives... i TOTALLY agree with bringing back the 2009 chant... the rest of your post was shit now shut up before you make yourself look even "stupider"
    Saint Dupree

    1. I'm sorry to have wasted your time...and to have offended you by posting shit...and for intentionally using the word "stupider"...I'll make sure to do betterer next time

    2. Apology accepted, I am at work so even a waste of time still passes the time. As far as offending me, never happened, annoyed me... yeh. This is yer blog though so be how ya want to be.
      Saint Dupree

  2. this is supposed to be an opinion/humor blog, right? how can you give someone else guidelines on their blog entry? sheesh..

  3. Anonymous,
    It might not be a blog I can let my kids read (language) but what's up with criticizing a man on HIS own blog? At least he has enough heart to create and maintain a blog. Can you say the same? I enjoyed his off the cuff humor and could feel his tempo/vibe as I was reading; it was like being a part of what he felt or experienced. I hope he writes about his 2010 experience, that ought to be a GOOD waste of time. Besides, should you really criticize insidejob for wasting your time, when the time your using to read & respond actually isn't yours to start with, it belongs to your employer who's paying you to do a job not surf and jive? Just sayin'. I'll be back to this site... I hope I can share with my kids & wife in future articles!

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